Second Strike Pt.2

It was past midnight and he wasn’t up yet, my tablet was his alarm clock, but it was already packed. He overslept and was running late for work. Then, at 1 a.m., I heard him get up so I turned myself facing the wall with my pepper spray in hand without the safety lock on under my pillow. He quietly entered the room, got his clothes from the closet and ran to work. I felt in peace and was able to relax for a little. He would get off from work at 8:30 a.m., but this time  he got back at 6:00 a.m., came in and went straight to the restroom to take a shower. I got up half an hour later, dressed up and walked into the kitchen. There he was, sitting on the living room floor with his memorabilia box beside him looking at old family pictures. Then I saw his face red with puffy, glossy eyes. I gave him space and finished packing some other stuff, returned to the kitchen, and told him..

Me: “If you have something to say, this is the time to do so”

Him: “I don’t know what to say”

Me: “Look…one of the worst things that someone can do is to not to say what they’re feeling, because the regret afterwards of not doing so is  an awful one. But I do have something to tell you, I want you to be happy, and it’s clearly not going to be with me, and that’s fine. I don’t want you to live with someone that keeps you unhappy. Besides of all the shit that you did to me, I’m only going to take the happy memories. You, well, it’ll be on you on how  you want to remember me by. I love you so much, tried my best, but wasn’t enough. I don’t want to leave this way…pissed. Can I give you a goodbye hug?”

He wasn’t able to look at me in the eye when I was telling him these words. He then just threw himself into my arms and started crying hard on my shoulder. I just hold him tight, inhaled slowly so that I could remember his smell and ran my fingers from my right hand through his hair.

I walked into the room and continued packing, he walked in and said that he was going to fight for me, to fight what he destroyed, to fight for our love. That he was going to fly over there and bring me back to our home. That he wasn’t going to let something that has changed his life in many positive ways to slip away. I told him that we needed time apart, that he needed time alone. That maybe, some day we would work, but not now.

 

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And as you can see, because of this picture, I decided to stay, to give him a chance…to give us a chance, another chance.

Second Strike Pt. 1

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We were working things out, things were still kind of on edge, but I had hope.
My friends were very worried about me, they wanted me to fly back to Tijuana, to be with them and with my family, somewhere safe. So I started lying to them and to my parents, telling them that we were broken up, that things were done aftert that fight, that he wasn’t living there at the apartment anymore.

I don’t remember how the discussion started, but I do remember, myself, being on my knees, between his legs, while he was sitting on a rocking chair that his aunt gave us; he was stubborn, and well, being a dick. After having a somewhat long of a conversation, or at least that’s how it felt like; I told him, in a calm but serious tone, that my patience has a limit, and that God’s my witness I was patient…so then I asked him  “What is it that you want? Because I know what I want, and what I want is to be with you, to be how we were,I don’t want no one else.”…he just paused and said “What I want is for you to want to leave”…my heart dropped, was in complete disbelief. After he begged me to stay, after all the promises that he made, after all the loving words that he said. I said that it was fine, if that’s what he really wanted. I went to the bedroom and stayed there, he didn’t care seeing me cry, he didn’t care the sadness that showed on my face, he got his phone, the apartment key and left, again…
I stayed in the room the whole day and afternoon packing again for the second time..I was so mad, frustrated, I felt betrayed, worthless and played…
It was night already, I was chatting on Facebook with a very good friend of mine, unfortunately she has been in an abusive relationship before, when he got back. As soon as he walked through the door, my body started shaking non-stop, couldn’t control my body, my hands and jaw were shaking uncontrollably…He got into the apartment yelling “I’m gonna make some noise!”, he came into the room, I was frozen, again…stiff as a board, he grabbed some stuff from under the coffee table that was across from the bed, dragging everything out, he crumbled a letter that I wroted for him and soaked in with water and threw in the kitchen trashcan, while he did this, he was looking at me and smiling. He ripped the curtain that separated the bedroom from the rest of the apartment, and then he tried to throw me out of the bed by pulling the sheets, which are mine, off the bed and lifting the mattress. I could smell alcohol on his breath…He went to the bathroom and started to take a shower, he was “rapping” what he was feeling at the moment, and what he was feeling was clearly hate toward’s me. I coulnd’t listen to him for another second, so I put a CD on the DVD player and played it as loud as I could. He then went to the living room and slept the rest of the night. Something that I couldn’t do because I was afraid, afraid of him maybe entering and try to do something to me in my sleep…

To be continued…

 

 

Oregon Domestic Violence Laws

Penalties for Assault in Oregon

A person convicted of a misdemeanor in Oregon can be sentenced to up to one year in jail and a fine up to $6,250, or both.

A person convicted of a Class C felony can be sentenced to up to five years in prison or a fine up to $125,000, or both.

A person convicted of a Class B felony can be sentenced to up to ten years in prison or a fine up to $250,000, or both.

A person convicted of a Class A felony can be sentenced up to twenty years in prison or a fine up to $375,000, or both.

Restitution

A person convicted of assault in Oregon must pay restitution, which involves reimbursing the victim for any expenses resulting from the crime, such as the cost of medical treatment or counseling, or repair or replacement of damaged property. Unless the victim agrees to accept a lesser amount, the person convicted must pay the entire amount of expenses and losses that the victim incurred.

Civil Compromise, Deferred or Suspended Sentence, and Probation

Oregon provides for several alternatives to jail or prison that may be available to a person charged with or convicted of assault associated with domestic violence.

Civil Compromise

An assault charge – particularly a misdemeanor – can be dismissed if the defendant and the victim agree, with the judge’s approval, that the matter has been resolved through some other means, such as a letter of apology or reimbursement for expenses incurred by the victim. The court must consider the district attorney or prosecutor’s position on the proposed agreement, though the court can allow a civil compromise over the district attorney’s objection.

Deferred sentence

After the defendant is convicted or pleads guilty to an assault charge, the court can grant a deferred sentence. This means that the court postpones sentencing for a period of time on the condition that the defendant comply with certain requirements, such as no new arrests or criminal offenses during the conditional period, psychological treatment (a highly likely requirement in a case involving domestic violence), or volunteer work in the community. The court also may require the defendant to be on supervised probation. If the defendant satisfies all the court’s requirements, the charge will be dismissed at the end of the period. The arrest and dismissal will be part of the defendant’s criminal record but the defendant will not be a convicted felon. If the defendant fails to satisfy the court’s requirements, the court will impose a sentence and enter a conviction into the record.

If the court suspends a sentence, the court imposes a jail or prison sentence but allows the defendant to serve all or a portion of the time on probation rather than in jail or prison. The defendant must successfully complete probation and any other conditions the court imposes or he will be required to complete the sentence in jail or prison. A person on supervised probation must meet with a probation officer and comply with conditions such as treatment, maintaining employment, curfews, drug tests, and avoiding any further criminal activity or arrests.

The Value of Legal Representation

A conviction for assault involving domestic violence becomes part of your permanent criminal record. If you are convicted later of another crime, the court can consider your prior conviction and impose a harsher sentence in the new case. A convicted felon loses the right to vote and carry firearms and can lose certain professional licenses. A conviction for a violent crime – even a misdemeanor – can hurt you when you are looking for a job or applying to rent a house or apartment. An experienced attorney can determine whether you have any grounds for dismissal of the charges against you, explore plea options or represent you at trial.

Only someone familiar with the local criminal court system and cases like yours will know how good your chances are for a favorable outcome in court or at the negotiating table. A knowledgeable attorney will take all of this into consideration, assist you in making decisions about your case, and protect your rights.

Court

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Last Saturday night I was able to listen to a voicemail that I received from the Police Department telling me that he was arrested last Thursday and taken to jail, he was later released the next day on bail and that his court date was going to be Tuesday , February 16th…today.
Been kept myself very busy this week to keep my mind off it.

I’m glad I wasn’t asked to be there…would’ve made everything way more difficult for me…

Can’t describe what I’m feeling right now…

 

 

In between First and Second.

After that horrible day, the next week was beautiful, he was taking care of my bruises and hurt body, I don’t think we’ve ever slept that close to each other, ever. We were more united and it seemed that change was possible, but I was wrong.
Right now my mind has been in knotts, trying to forget him and everything that he did to me, so I’m going to be bad with details.

We were at the apartment one morning and we decided to go to the Dutch Bros Coffee shop that was a block away from our place. We sat down, he was using my tablet and I was using my laptop. I didn’t really talk to anyone being in Oregon, specially since I started dating him, so I started talking about what happened with a couple of male friends to see their perspective on that issue. One of them said that I should get out of there, because once that happens it was done, I was done…and the worst thing is that I knew the same thing, but it’s just a faith thing I guess, again, the possibility of change.
My ex-boyfriend was sitting right across from me, and I could see him smiling and smirking at the tablet screen. I asked him “Who’s making you smile?”, then he answered “No, who’s making you smile? I know what you’re doing and what you’re talking about.”…I didn’t think he would be doing that, reading my messages. He immediately stood up and left the coffee place, I put everything away and started walking towards the appartment. I tried to explain him that I had no one to talk to, and that I wanted a male perspective…that became a big discussion.
He all of a sudden had plans with a “male” friend of ours, which I knew it was bullshit, he was going to meet up with that girl that he would always talk to through Snapchat, the one that he swore not having any kind of feelings towards her, that she was only a former co-worker. Well, after he accepted that he was going to go see her, and that they were just going to talk. I had to swallow by frustration and tell him that it was okay if that’s what they really we’re going to do, “talk”. But no…things were just escalating by the second, he started bombarding me with awful words, some of the most popular were: slut, cunt, hoe, retard, idiot, stupid. It was him coming into the room every five minutes to remind me all the things that I were for him. He called the girl and told her that they should spend the night at his brother’s place. I was feeling like shit, sitting on the edge of the bed, taking everything in.
As soon as he left I went back to my old ways, bought a 12 pack of PBR and chugged them all. While I was drunk I hurt myself by accident with my pocket knife while I was stabbing the shit out of a decorative pillow…that was the only way I could let it all out.
He didn’t come back untill 5-6 hours later, I was in the bathroom puking my guts out, I got out of the bathroom and went straight to bed, he proceeded by laying right next to me saying that he was sorry, that he loved me, that he didn’t do anything with that girl, and that he wanted to be with me.

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First Strike.

 

I really don’t remember how this discussion started, but I definitely remember how it ended. It ended with me, standing in front of the bathroom mirror, crying, noticing my neck and face red.

Things started heating up, I just wanted to be there for him, was just trying to calm him down, but I made a terrible mistake my blocking the front door. That’s when fear kicked in, when he grabbed be by my neck and choked me with both hands, dragging me like that for 5 feet against the door, that followed by a slap and him yelling at me “What? I thought you liked that”, referring to my sexual kinks. Then, he proceeded by punching my jaw between his fists, that’s when I really felt pain, but it did not end there, it ended when he grabbed me in a choke hold from behind and dragged me to the floor, and he still blamed me for taking him down with me. I stood up, my sweater was ripped and barely on me.
I wasn’t able to defend myself, I was in complete shock, it was just unbelieveable.

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He left for about 4 hours, didn’t even wonder how I was…

The next day, I decided to stay…he said that he didn’t want me to leave. That he loved me so much and that he wouldn’t know what to do if I wasn’t there by his side. I was weak…

Bruises started popping on my arms from the way he grabbed me, another one on the right side of my jaw, had  a sore neck and a messed up left wrist for a week.

After that, for a week and a half, everything was beautiful, right like before…

Midnight phonecall.

He’s still trying to figure out where I’m headed, he has no idea that in a couple of days I’m going to be 1,700 miles away from him, away from a place I once called home. I can hear him sad and worried through the phone, and after all that he did to me, it’s killing me.
Before hanging up he said in a very low voice “I love you”, and I knew he wanted to hear it back from me, and as much as I wanted to say it back, I couldn’t. That “I love you” was followed by a sigh, and that was the end of that midnight phonecall.

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