In between First and Second.

After that horrible day, the next week was beautiful, he was taking care of my bruises and hurt body, I don’t think we’ve ever slept that close to each other, ever. We were more united and it seemed that change was possible, but I was wrong.
Right now my mind has been in knotts, trying to forget him and everything that he did to me, so I’m going to be bad with details.

We were at the apartment one morning and we decided to go to the Dutch Bros Coffee shop that was a block away from our place. We sat down, he was using my tablet and I was using my laptop. I didn’t really talk to anyone being in Oregon, specially since I started dating him, so I started talking about what happened with a couple of male friends to see their perspective on that issue. One of them said that I should get out of there, because once that happens it was done, I was done…and the worst thing is that I knew the same thing, but it’s just a faith thing I guess, again, the possibility of change.
My ex-boyfriend was sitting right across from me, and I could see him smiling and smirking at the tablet screen. I asked him “Who’s making you smile?”, then he answered “No, who’s making you smile? I know what you’re doing and what you’re talking about.”…I didn’t think he would be doing that, reading my messages. He immediately stood up and left the coffee place, I put everything away and started walking towards the appartment. I tried to explain him that I had no one to talk to, and that I wanted a male perspective…that became a big discussion.
He all of a sudden had plans with a “male” friend of ours, which I knew it was bullshit, he was going to meet up with that girl that he would always talk to through Snapchat, the one that he swore not having any kind of feelings towards her, that she was only a former co-worker. Well, after he accepted that he was going to go see her, and that they were just going to talk. I had to swallow by frustration and tell him that it was okay if that’s what they really we’re going to do, “talk”. But no…things were just escalating by the second, he started bombarding me with awful words, some of the most popular were: slut, cunt, hoe, retard, idiot, stupid. It was him coming into the room every five minutes to remind me all the things that I were for him. He called the girl and told her that they should spend the night at his brother’s place. I was feeling like shit, sitting on the edge of the bed, taking everything in.
As soon as he left I went back to my old ways, bought a 12 pack of PBR and chugged them all. While I was drunk I hurt myself by accident with my pocket knife while I was stabbing the shit out of a decorative pillow…that was the only way I could let it all out.
He didn’t come back untill 5-6 hours later, I was in the bathroom puking my guts out, I got out of the bathroom and went straight to bed, he proceeded by laying right next to me saying that he was sorry, that he loved me, that he didn’t do anything with that girl, and that he wanted to be with me.



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