It was past midnight and he wasn’t up yet, my tablet was his alarm clock, but it was already packed. He overslept and was running late for work. Then, at 1 a.m., I heard him get up so I turned myself facing the wall with my pepper spray in hand without the safety lock on under my pillow. He quietly entered the room, got his clothes from the closet and ran to work. I felt in peace and was able to relax for a little. He would get off from work at 8:30 a.m., but this time he got back at 6:00 a.m., came in and went straight to the restroom to take a shower. I got up half an hour later, dressed up and walked into the kitchen. There he was, sitting on the living room floor with his memorabilia box beside him looking at old family pictures. Then I saw his face red with puffy, glossy eyes. I gave him space and finished packing some other stuff, returned to the kitchen, and told him..
Me: “If you have something to say, this is the time to do so”
Him: “I don’t know what to say”
Me: “Look…one of the worst things that someone can do is to not to say what they’re feeling, because the regret afterwards of not doing so is an awful one. But I do have something to tell you, I want you to be happy, and it’s clearly not going to be with me, and that’s fine. I don’t want you to live with someone that keeps you unhappy. Besides of all the shit that you did to me, I’m only going to take the happy memories. You, well, it’ll be on you on how you want to remember me by. I love you so much, tried my best, but wasn’t enough. I don’t want to leave this way…pissed. Can I give you a goodbye hug?”
He wasn’t able to look at me in the eye when I was telling him these words. He then just threw himself into my arms and started crying hard on my shoulder. I just hold him tight, inhaled slowly so that I could remember his smell and ran my fingers from my right hand through his hair.
I walked into the room and continued packing, he walked in and said that he was going to fight for me, to fight what he destroyed, to fight for our love. That he was going to fly over there and bring me back to our home. That he wasn’t going to let something that has changed his life in many positive ways to slip away. I told him that we needed time apart, that he needed time alone. That maybe, some day we would work, but not now.
And as you can see, because of this picture, I decided to stay, to give him a chance…to give us a chance, another chance.