Don’t think that…

Don’t think that I don’t think about you every day

Don’t think that I don’t regret the mistakes that I made

Don’t think that I don’t care about you anymore

Don’t think that I let all our memories fall to the floor

I loved you, and you know it

We fucked up and we promised

To never hurt each other again

Like they say, talk is cheap

But it turns out you’re a cheapskate

Don’t think that it was easy for me to take everything

Leaving you behind without nothing

I think about how you’re doing

And believe me, up to this day, it worries me

So here’s an open letter

An open letter from me to you

To assure you that the love that I had was true

But you just couldn’t wrap that around your head

It was hard for you to trust again

I’m sorry for what you’ve been through

I’m sorry your family wasn’t there for you

But now is time to pay the price

To finally be able to rise

 

 

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Up to Date

During the time that I’ve been back in California with my family, there have been three court dates. The first one didn’t go that well because,obviously, I wasn’t there personally to testify and didn’t have enough evidence; so I sent screen shots from the messages that I had with his sister and him, admiting and recognizing his anger issues. After the second court date I was informed with good news, my case passed and he was finally declared guilty. On the third court date he was going to be charged, I was asked to send a letter if I had any type of requests, which I did, but every time I sat down to do that, I would get lost and just couldn’t. When I did manage to do so and send the letter, it was too late, it arrived a day after the hearing. What I wanted to request was a substance abuse program, that way he would be having to do scheduled and sporadic drug tests. Now he has to do community service, 18  months of probation, and the domestic violence program (which includes, counseling, and anger management).
Now, I was told that I could request restitution, something that I gave a good thought on, asked my friends for advice and their opinions, and acceded to do so.

There’s an upcoming court date in June where the desicion’s going to be made. Hopefully, everything goes well, like it has been since I decided to leave Oregon.

#BitchBetterHaveMyMoney

Off we go…

So before hitting the road, I went to fill up the tank, get some air on my tires, an oil change and a quick check-up. Well, when I went to get my check-up, the mechanic told me that I made a good desicion on getting it done, I didn’t even take a look under the hood, because my radiator cap wasn’t there. It sucks to realize that the person you loved, maliciously, wanted to hurt you, to leave you stranded in the middle of nowhere…

I don’t even remember where my first stop was, if in Idaho or somewhere before that in Oregon. During that first night I called his mom to let her know what had happened, that I wasn’t going to press charges because I just wanted to get as far away as I could. She understood the position that I was in, actually, she understood it very well because she was in the same position I was in years ago with her ex-husband, my ex-boyfriend’s dad. His dad, an alcoholic, heroin addict, bipolar, schizophrenic. I can clearly remember how he would say that he has always been white trash, that he had worked so much to not be that type of person.

When I finally reached Utah, my car started failing, it was hella cold outside and my needle was fluctuating straightly to hot after every mile I would try to drive. I ended up staying four nights in a Super 8 Motel in a very small populated city, Tremonton. The bills were adding up, my funds were running out, and my desperation and depression were increasing by the minute. Every night, before going to sleep, I would have to do yoga and respiration excersizes to make my heartrate go down and stay down. My company on my slepless nights was a woman from the 24 hr Domestic Violence hotline. Sometimes the calls would consist of nothing, I just wanted some kind of company that knew exactly what I was going through, and she would bear with me every time I called.

 

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                                                                                                                                           Motel 6    Tremonton, UT

Third and Last Strike Pt. 3

While the policeman was talking to me, the policewoman was speaking with my upstairs neighboor. After both of them left, I heard my door knock and it was him, which I’ve only said hi twice in all this time living here. He came in and asked me if I was okay, I couldn’t hold my tears or my words in, I immediately started telling him everything, I felt, I don’t know, safe with him…this sense of tranquility. He just stood there and really listened to me, apparently he is a counselor for children that have been through some kind of abuse in their life’s, he left around forty five minutes later. I finished packing, finished organizing everything in my car, came back, stood in the middle of the living room and gave that apartment one last look. All the memories that were made in that place were played before my eyes as I was swipping from left to right, and it ended when my face was facing the door. I locked the door, even though there wasn’t no use for it because the glass was cracked right open. I got in my car, called my ex-roomate and let her know that I was on my way. When I got to her place, her roomates welcomed me with a comfortable silence in their cozy living room, she cooked something quick for me and her roomate gave me an inflatable bed to sleep in. Before passing out, I contacted his sister that lives in Temecula and told her about the situation, and that she should be there for him, because his brother isn’t really the best shoulder to lean on. She wasn’t surprised by his actions, she actually accepted that he has anger issues, but didn’t think it would “happen” to me because of how I was a positive change in his life. She also told me that he didn’t deserve me, that it was the right desicion to make for me to leave him and get to a place safe, that he had to confront the consequences for his actions. All of this was talked through Facebook Messenger, which later on helped as evidence for my case to pass and him to be 100% guilty.

At 6 am, I woke my friend, and said goodbye..got in my car and started driving off. Off to the middle of the United States, my ass was heading towards Omaha, NE once again.