Ex-Mother In Law

Just when everything seemed peaceful and in order, I received a phone call from a debt collector, saying that my ex-boyfriend didn’t finish paying something from the property we were living in together. Unfortunately both of our names were on the lease, which means that if the debt wasn’t payed on time, it would affect to both of our credits.
I, naively, called his mom, because there’s a no contact order between us, and as soon as she answered I told her that this was going to be an awkward phone call, but I was just letting her know, because I knew that he already had a bad credit and woulnd’t want it to get worse.

Well, the phone call didn’t go as expected, she started raising her voice at me, telling me how I fucked up his son’s life, how I was wrong on not accepting that he didn ‘t love me any more and that he was in love with someone else.
Really, Shawnee? I fucked up his life? It was all my fault? Wow!… I kept my cool, listened to what she had to say and answered ..
“Look, Shawnee, I didn’t call to cause any problems, on the contrary, it was just to let you know what was going on because I can’t have any type of contact with your son. Second, I know that he’s your son, and that you will obviously take his side and support him, believe me, I ain’t asking other wise. And last, both of us know what he did, but if lying to yourself makes you feel better, go ahead.”

After hanging up, a lot of things came to my mind…She was blaming ME for what happened to his son, she was blaming ME for all the money that has been spent since then.
Seriously, how ignorant can a person be… I was 1000 miles away, and my case passed, evidence was accepted and I didn’t have to be there in person to testify against him because they had MORE THAN ENOUGH. Just think about that tiny little note, Shawnee. All of this was caused by him, not me.

Have a good day.

 

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Off we go…

So before hitting the road, I went to fill up the tank, get some air on my tires, an oil change and a quick check-up. Well, when I went to get my check-up, the mechanic told me that I made a good desicion on getting it done, I didn’t even take a look under the hood, because my radiator cap wasn’t there. It sucks to realize that the person you loved, maliciously, wanted to hurt you, to leave you stranded in the middle of nowhere…

I don’t even remember where my first stop was, if in Idaho or somewhere before that in Oregon. During that first night I called his mom to let her know what had happened, that I wasn’t going to press charges because I just wanted to get as far away as I could. She understood the position that I was in, actually, she understood it very well because she was in the same position I was in years ago with her ex-husband, my ex-boyfriend’s dad. His dad, an alcoholic, heroin addict, bipolar, schizophrenic. I can clearly remember how he would say that he has always been white trash, that he had worked so much to not be that type of person.

When I finally reached Utah, my car started failing, it was hella cold outside and my needle was fluctuating straightly to hot after every mile I would try to drive. I ended up staying four nights in a Super 8 Motel in a very small populated city, Tremonton. The bills were adding up, my funds were running out, and my desperation and depression were increasing by the minute. Every night, before going to sleep, I would have to do yoga and respiration excersizes to make my heartrate go down and stay down. My company on my slepless nights was a woman from the 24 hr Domestic Violence hotline. Sometimes the calls would consist of nothing, I just wanted some kind of company that knew exactly what I was going through, and she would bear with me every time I called.

 

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                                                                                                                                           Motel 6    Tremonton, UT

Third and Last Strike Pt. 3

While the policeman was talking to me, the policewoman was speaking with my upstairs neighboor. After both of them left, I heard my door knock and it was him, which I’ve only said hi twice in all this time living here. He came in and asked me if I was okay, I couldn’t hold my tears or my words in, I immediately started telling him everything, I felt, I don’t know, safe with him…this sense of tranquility. He just stood there and really listened to me, apparently he is a counselor for children that have been through some kind of abuse in their life’s, he left around forty five minutes later. I finished packing, finished organizing everything in my car, came back, stood in the middle of the living room and gave that apartment one last look. All the memories that were made in that place were played before my eyes as I was swipping from left to right, and it ended when my face was facing the door. I locked the door, even though there wasn’t no use for it because the glass was cracked right open. I got in my car, called my ex-roomate and let her know that I was on my way. When I got to her place, her roomates welcomed me with a comfortable silence in their cozy living room, she cooked something quick for me and her roomate gave me an inflatable bed to sleep in. Before passing out, I contacted his sister that lives in Temecula and told her about the situation, and that she should be there for him, because his brother isn’t really the best shoulder to lean on. She wasn’t surprised by his actions, she actually accepted that he has anger issues, but didn’t think it would “happen” to me because of how I was a positive change in his life. She also told me that he didn’t deserve me, that it was the right desicion to make for me to leave him and get to a place safe, that he had to confront the consequences for his actions. All of this was talked through Facebook Messenger, which later on helped as evidence for my case to pass and him to be 100% guilty.

At 6 am, I woke my friend, and said goodbye..got in my car and started driving off. Off to the middle of the United States, my ass was heading towards Omaha, NE once again.

Third and Last Strike Pt.2

My respiration was off, my heartbeat was up, and my head felt like it was about to explode. I grabbed everything that I gave him, all his clothes were thrown in the slimy trash can that was outside our apartment. I sent a message to that low life, Krystie Spears, telling her that she won, that it was fine, but that all of his crap was gone. He immediately came back, I was placing some of his belongings outside, by this time my roomate left because she had something to do.
While I was placing a box out of the door, I bent down and that’s when he kicked me behind my hamstring, I stood up and started walking, didn’t even give me a chance to shake it off when he threw me against the wall. Again, he left, and took what he could. I immediately called my friend and she said to hold on, that she was on her way. I kept packing my things when I received a phonecall from her ” He’s coming! He’s coming!” I asked her where she was and she told me that she was entering the alley, but that he was running towards my place, I dropped my phone and pthumbnail_FullSizeRender (1)ut myself against the door. He tried to unlock the door, noticed that I was there and started kicking the door until it cracked and he broke the glass that was there. I was
really scared, hoping that he would give up and leave, but the door wasn’t going to hold for much longer so I stepped back, let him in and I went outside where my friend was. She was standing outside her car, he started walking, flipped me off with his both hands, and pulled his pants down when he was across the street.
A little after was when the 911 call was placed by my friend, the harrassment and abuse wasn’t stopping, and it was clear that it wasn’t even near to an end. I waited patiently for the police to show up, it felt like an eternity. Two big police cars parked in front of my apartment and the interview with them started. After describing them a hundred times everything that happened, I was taken inside to strip down and have pictures taken of me where he previously and recently hit me. I could only keep thinking “Why is this happening to me? How did it come to this?”…

 

 

Second Strike Pt. 1

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We were working things out, things were still kind of on edge, but I had hope.
My friends were very worried about me, they wanted me to fly back to Tijuana, to be with them and with my family, somewhere safe. So I started lying to them and to my parents, telling them that we were broken up, that things were done aftert that fight, that he wasn’t living there at the apartment anymore.

I don’t remember how the discussion started, but I do remember, myself, being on my knees, between his legs, while he was sitting on a rocking chair that his aunt gave us; he was stubborn, and well, being a dick. After having a somewhat long of a conversation, or at least that’s how it felt like; I told him, in a calm but serious tone, that my patience has a limit, and that God’s my witness I was patient…so then I asked him  “What is it that you want? Because I know what I want, and what I want is to be with you, to be how we were,I don’t want no one else.”…he just paused and said “What I want is for you to want to leave”…my heart dropped, was in complete disbelief. After he begged me to stay, after all the promises that he made, after all the loving words that he said. I said that it was fine, if that’s what he really wanted. I went to the bedroom and stayed there, he didn’t care seeing me cry, he didn’t care the sadness that showed on my face, he got his phone, the apartment key and left, again…
I stayed in the room the whole day and afternoon packing again for the second time..I was so mad, frustrated, I felt betrayed, worthless and played…
It was night already, I was chatting on Facebook with a very good friend of mine, unfortunately she has been in an abusive relationship before, when he got back. As soon as he walked through the door, my body started shaking non-stop, couldn’t control my body, my hands and jaw were shaking uncontrollably…He got into the apartment yelling “I’m gonna make some noise!”, he came into the room, I was frozen, again…stiff as a board, he grabbed some stuff from under the coffee table that was across from the bed, dragging everything out, he crumbled a letter that I wroted for him and soaked in with water and threw in the kitchen trashcan, while he did this, he was looking at me and smiling. He ripped the curtain that separated the bedroom from the rest of the apartment, and then he tried to throw me out of the bed by pulling the sheets, which are mine, off the bed and lifting the mattress. I could smell alcohol on his breath…He went to the bathroom and started to take a shower, he was “rapping” what he was feeling at the moment, and what he was feeling was clearly hate toward’s me. I coulnd’t listen to him for another second, so I put a CD on the DVD player and played it as loud as I could. He then went to the living room and slept the rest of the night. Something that I couldn’t do because I was afraid, afraid of him maybe entering and try to do something to me in my sleep…

To be continued…

 

 

Court

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Last Saturday night I was able to listen to a voicemail that I received from the Police Department telling me that he was arrested last Thursday and taken to jail, he was later released the next day on bail and that his court date was going to be Tuesday , February 16th…today.
Been kept myself very busy this week to keep my mind off it.

I’m glad I wasn’t asked to be there…would’ve made everything way more difficult for me…

Can’t describe what I’m feeling right now…

 

 

In between First and Second.

After that horrible day, the next week was beautiful, he was taking care of my bruises and hurt body, I don’t think we’ve ever slept that close to each other, ever. We were more united and it seemed that change was possible, but I was wrong.
Right now my mind has been in knotts, trying to forget him and everything that he did to me, so I’m going to be bad with details.

We were at the apartment one morning and we decided to go to the Dutch Bros Coffee shop that was a block away from our place. We sat down, he was using my tablet and I was using my laptop. I didn’t really talk to anyone being in Oregon, specially since I started dating him, so I started talking about what happened with a couple of male friends to see their perspective on that issue. One of them said that I should get out of there, because once that happens it was done, I was done…and the worst thing is that I knew the same thing, but it’s just a faith thing I guess, again, the possibility of change.
My ex-boyfriend was sitting right across from me, and I could see him smiling and smirking at the tablet screen. I asked him “Who’s making you smile?”, then he answered “No, who’s making you smile? I know what you’re doing and what you’re talking about.”…I didn’t think he would be doing that, reading my messages. He immediately stood up and left the coffee place, I put everything away and started walking towards the appartment. I tried to explain him that I had no one to talk to, and that I wanted a male perspective…that became a big discussion.
He all of a sudden had plans with a “male” friend of ours, which I knew it was bullshit, he was going to meet up with that girl that he would always talk to through Snapchat, the one that he swore not having any kind of feelings towards her, that she was only a former co-worker. Well, after he accepted that he was going to go see her, and that they were just going to talk. I had to swallow by frustration and tell him that it was okay if that’s what they really we’re going to do, “talk”. But no…things were just escalating by the second, he started bombarding me with awful words, some of the most popular were: slut, cunt, hoe, retard, idiot, stupid. It was him coming into the room every five minutes to remind me all the things that I were for him. He called the girl and told her that they should spend the night at his brother’s place. I was feeling like shit, sitting on the edge of the bed, taking everything in.
As soon as he left I went back to my old ways, bought a 12 pack of PBR and chugged them all. While I was drunk I hurt myself by accident with my pocket knife while I was stabbing the shit out of a decorative pillow…that was the only way I could let it all out.
He didn’t come back untill 5-6 hours later, I was in the bathroom puking my guts out, I got out of the bathroom and went straight to bed, he proceeded by laying right next to me saying that he was sorry, that he loved me, that he didn’t do anything with that girl, and that he wanted to be with me.

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